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Committee Brainstorms Christmas Ideas

By Staff | Dec 4, 2015

“We need to do some early brainstorming for a big community Christmas or we will be the only dark spot in the county this year,” Homeland Committee Chair Ork Dorken warned the 13 town electors streaming into the frigid community hall.

“I hope somebody brought a brain this year,” sassed Madeleine Morgan. “We went without one last year and ended up with a string of lights on the big evergreen and no electricity.”

“Who knew we needed two blocks of extension cords to get to the nearest plugin?” Ork retorted defensively.

“Has anybody thought of asking the government for some fuel assistance to warm this place up for winter meetings?” queried Holger Danske as he slapped his sheepskin mitts against his thighs.

“They don’t give fuel assistance to community halls, just ordinary people,” Chief Alert Officer Garvey Erfald explained.

“Well, let’s find an ordinary person who doesn’t need all of his fuel assistance,” countered Holger.

“Let’s beat the other towns with an early Santa Day for the kids,” suggested Einar Torvald.

“Whose kids are we going entertain, seeing as how we have none of our own?” asked Orville Jordan, the railroad agent who retired when the train left eight years ago. “We have no kids to sit on Santa’s knee even if we had a Santa.”

“Well, there isn’t time or inclination to get more of our own kids by Christmas so it looks like a suggestion for the future,” observed Josh Dvorchek. Then he noted all of the gray heads and realized he had just proposed another Christmas miracle.

“Let’s make a deal with the Salvation Army to sponsor a kettle on our busiest intersection,” suggested Little Jimmy, the town’s youngest and most educated elector, having six-years of online college in five different majors and no intention to quit school as long his parents were in the Yukon for the gold rush .

“That idea may have worked in 1920 when we had a busy corner,” responded Einar. “We couldn’t even get enough cars in town these days for a good accident. I even dropped my collision insurance. “

“How about having a hometown shopping day?” suggested Orville Jordan.

“Where would we have this hometown shopping day, seeing as how our businesses are all gone? ” Holger asked. He was still bitter because his family’s livery stable was the first to go in 1934.

“Maybe we should decorate the big evergreen again and borrow longer extension cords from Wickendorfer Salvage and Septic Repair,” Dorsey suggested.

“Don’t expect me to go up the ladder again this year,” Josh warned. “Gerda says she isn’t going to nurse an old fool if he falls out of the tree.”

“Maybe we should just run a white flag up Street Light #6 and let the world know that they can’t count on us anymore,” Little Jimmy proposed. “This town is too small to light up this part of the county.”

“I don’t know about that,” Madeleine argued. “Aren’t we supposed to let our little light shine?”

“Even this little of a light?” Jimmy puzzled.

“Maybe our light is intended to be for only a township,” Einar opined philosophically.

“I say we go for the big evergreen again,” Dorsey insisted. “The lights are still on it from last year. It’s ready for an early Christmas.”

The group pounced on his suggestion as the last word and started pulling on scarves and coats.

“It is hard to brainstorm when we’re so short of brains,” grumped Orville as the group headed into the arctic blast. “Early Christmas! Humbug!”

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