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Omdahl: Committee tries to hijack travel guide

By Staff | Feb 20, 2015

“I can’t believe it! Another midwinter emergency meeting! Can’t it wait until May?” grumbled Josh Dvorchak as he joined the town’s other 12 electors in the community hall for a Homeland Security Committee meeting.

“We all got this travel guide with the Living North Dakota magazine from the rural electrics and it told me that we better get some kind of attraction in next year’s edition or dissolve the city,” explained Chairperson Ork Dorken as he rapped the meeting to order with his bruised Coke bottle.

“Yeah!” ventured Alert Officer Garvey Erfald. “There were towns without people that had attractions listed. Alkabo had nothing but a rock for writing.”

“It seems most of our plans end up on the back burner,” Ork explained. “We have everything on the back burner and no lunch for today. We got to plan now if we’re going to have anything ready in 2016!”

“Some towns have only hunting lodges,” Orville Jordan, the depot agent without a depot, noted. “There’s one in Arena big enough for parties so if you can’t find anything to hunt you can stay indoors and schottische all day.”

“We would need to combine a hunting lodge, a campground” started Holger Danske when he was rudely interrupted by Dorsey Crank.

“That would cost money for electric outlets and water spigots and we can’t afford the investment with a bill coming in for graveling west street,” Dorsey pointed out.

“Don’t be such a naysayer,” Holger responded heatedly. “If we put the campground right here by the hall, we could run hoses and electricity out the back door when paying customers showed up.”

“A hunting lodge is out because we have nothing to hunt but rabbits and people aren’t going to come from Chicago to hunt rabbits. Not even people from Fargo. They have their own rabbits.”

“Towns smaller than us like Manfred – have pioneer museums,” Einar Stamstead ventured.

“Pioneer museums are full of stuff abandoned by pioneers heading west,” Madeleine Morgan, the Montana transplant, surmised.

“All we got is the old blacksmith shop with the rusted forge that nobody knows how to run because the Rybas took the instructions with them,” Garvey recalled. “Otherwise, we could offer forge demonstrations.”

“If we had something like that Hostfest show in Minot,” Little Jimmy speculated.

“Our show could feature the Irksville Washboard Band,” Old Sievert proposed. “They’re fantastic, just fantastic.”

“I never heard of them,” Dorsey blurted.

“Why, they were the stars at the Nogosek Township Hoedown in 1937,” beamed Sievert.

“Well, I don’t think they’re playing washboards anymore,” observed Madeline. “Maybe harps, but not washboards. The only washboard around here is the road to Pickert.”

“A lot of small towns have historic sites,” noted Holger. “Maybe we could start a historic site.”

“You just can’t start something historic,” Garvey huffed. “Historic sites have to be old. A new one wouldn’t be historic.”

” I spose all of the historic sites have been claimed,” mourned Einar.

“An’ all of the buttes have been taken,” added Josh.

“If we want something older than a historic site, Valley City has some kind of dinosaur for sale,” Dorsey volunteered. “It’s a big bugger, but we could get it in this hall. People would come from all over to see it and we could start a food bar featuring dinosaur soup, triclops sandwiches, caveman steak, and other primitive delicacies.”

“Hold on! Too many ideas!” Orville exclaimed. “We need a committee to study this.”

Sensing the end, everyone rose and rushed out into the bitter February cold.

The back burner just got another pot.

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