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Omdahl: Real civics tests for good citizens

By Staff | Jan 30, 2015

March

“Dad, I heard the cops picked you up again for driving tipsy?”

“Those stupid cops are just out to hassle the taxpayers for no good reason.”

“Did they find out that you were driving without a license?”

“Naw! I just told him that I forgot it back home and would bring it down to the station tomorrow but I’m leaving town for work and won’t be back for two weeks.”

April

“Just filed my income tax. I had to pay some extra this year.”

“Gee, Dad, you usually don’t. Was it that extra money you got this winter working on snow removal?”

“Of course not. Why include that? They can’t track cash. The government already gets more than it should and then wastes it on bureaucrats in Washington.”

June

“Mom, I found this billfold at the swimming pool. Should I bring it to the park office?”

“Don’t be dumb. Finders’ keepers, I always say. Besides, they’ll just keep it for themselves if you turn it in.”

July

“Mom, I was talking to Bennie and he said that his mom sold stuff she bought with food stamps and traded them to her cousin for cigarettes.”

“Well, good for her. Life is hard enough for her, three kids and all. I say more power to her.”

August

“Gunther and I were minding our own business around the camp fire at Meadowland when the ranger muscled us.”

“Gee, Dad, aren’t fires prohibited in Meadowland?”

“Well, hell, how can we make hotdogs without a fire? We’re taxpayers like everybody else so why shouldn’t we be allowed to use the outdoors. We left them a real mess for messing with us.”

September

“Just three weeks into school and Punkie and I got nailed for cutting math class again.”

“Well, I say that if you are old enough to drive to school, you’re old enough to make choices. Besides, they have no business bossing my kids. If they give you any grief, I’ll go down and tell them what for.”

October

“Dad, the game warden took my shotgun just because Bennie and I had nine pheasants over the limit.”

“Hell, that’s nothing. When I was a kid, we bagged 42 ducks in two days and that was 32 over the limit.”

November

“Listen here, teacher, you mind your own business. If my girl wants to wear her choice of clothes to school, I’ll make the policy and not the school.”

“You tell ’em, mom.”

December

“Why does Grandma have a motorized chair when she can go dancing on Friday nights at the club?”

“Well, Medicare paid for it so why shouldn’t she have it? Besides, everybody is ripping off Medicare.”

January

“How come we’re parking in the handicapped zone when we got the tag for mom?”

“Look, kid, this car has a tag and anybody driving this car can park in a handicapped zone.”

February

“Well, Dad, we are taking the new civics test tomorrow.”

“I know you’re going to slaughter that thing. We raised you to be a good citizen and that’ll count for a lot.”

“Just in case it’s tough I’m sitting by Brains Buford so he can slip me a few answers if I need them.”

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