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Omdahl: Homeland Committee has no dog in fight

By Staff | Oct 17, 2014

“Whose idea is this Community Civic Summit?” growled Old Sievert as the town’s 14 electors trooped into the chilly community hall for a special meeting of the Homeland Committee.

“We have to keep up on the issues of the day or be left in the dark,” Madeleine Morgan warned. She had been bugging Chairperson Ork Dorken for the meeting since the primary election.

“For one thing, I’m against this measure keeping all schools closed until after Labor Day,” Orville Jordan, the retired depot agent, declared with an air of certainty.

“Whatever happened to local control?” he asked rhetorically.

“What do we care about school opening? We have no kids,” Holger Danske countered.

“That’s probably why we have no school,” Einar Torvald added insightfully.

“Well, if we have no school and no kids, this is not our issue,” Josh Dvorchak argued.

“Local control is every North Dakotan’s fight,” Orville asserted.

“They say it’s too hot for kids to study in August,” Madeleine explained.

“Well, let each school district decide about the heat,” Orville continued. “It’s always warmer in the west than the east so let Dickinson wait until Labor Day and let Grand Forks start earlier if they want to.”

“Well, we have no school so we have no dog in the fight,” Chief Alert Officer Garvey Erfald offered to cool the rising temperatures.

“Then there’s this mortgage tax!” Dorsey Crank exclaimed, changing the subject. “Who is thinking of a mortgage tax when we got billions in the state treasury?”

“Well, nobody, but just in case somebody thinks of it, it will be illegal so there won’t be any time wasted thinking about it.”

“It looks to me like nobody has a dog in that fight,” Dorsey concluded.

“I hear there’s a measure to abolish the board for universities and turn it over to three full-time managers,” Holger Danske volunteered. He picked that up at Rummy’s Bar in Pavlich where they talked about the heavy stuff.

“Will it make students smarter to have a 3-member board than a 10-member board?” asked Einar Stamstead.

“This ain’t about students,” Torvald explained. “It’s about higher education.”

“This town doesn’t have anybody in college. Little Jimmy is taking all of his college on the computer,” Orville pointed out.

“Looks like we have no dog in that fight, either,” Dorsey moaned, hoping for some kind of argument.

“How about that measure appropriating money for conservation and parks and stuff?” queried Torvald.

“Well, I’m for that because my nephew has a big swamp on his land and has been raising ducks for free while hunters have been getting all the fun shooting them. Maybe he can get paid with this new program,” Old Sievert surmised.

“Anybody here own a swamp?” Garvey asked as he scanned the room. “Nope. That’s another fight we have no dog in.”

“There’s this other measure that would let the big stores and chain drugs squeeze out Getwell Pharmacy in Forestberg. Maybe we should put our dog in that fight.”

“Oh, I’m not so sure,” Holger doubted. “I got Medicare so I don’t know if I would travel 40 miles just to save two bucks and put Pills Getwell out of business.

“Anybody here own a drug store?” asked Garvey, looking around. “I thought not. No dog in the fight.”

“Good grief! It’s hardly worth an election if we can’t have a dog in some fight,” mourned Dorsey.

“Well, I’m sure pleased we had this thoughtful discussion of the issues,” Madeleine declared proudly as she swung a wool scarf around her collar to leave.

The meeting left Ork praying for democracy as he rapped his Coke bottle to adjourn.

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