Berginski: Bacon craze out of hand
Don’t take this the wrong way. I do love bacon-the real thing, mind you, made from pork, not other animals. When I’m not writing, sleeping, playing guitar, or playing video games, odds are I’m probably cooking, and it takes heaps of self-control to stop me from causing an international bacon shortage.
But even though I love this tasty, salty snack of the gods, and not to mention my favorite YouTube video channel, “Epic Meal Time”, uses bacon to excess in high-calorie creations, the craze that’s been going on since the start of this decade is getting out of control.
The problem I have isn’t with the food industry, although things like the “Baconnater” from Wendy’s and Denny’s “bacon-nalia” promotion are a symptom of the craze. Even vegetarians and vegans can enjoy bacon without actually eating animals. There’s bacon-flavored beverages out there-some of them are okay, some of them are just awful.
But bacon being added to products that have really nothing to do with food whatsoever, either by smell, look, or even taste, are what’s causing the craze to get out of hand. If you to Google bacon products right now, this very second, the amount of products available would be nothing short of staggering.
Wake up and get a shower, you can clean yourself with bacon soap and then put bacon-scented deodorant on your underarms. And if you’re a guy who needs to shave, there’s bacon shaving cream for your face. No joke. If your room stinks, you can mask odors with bacon-scented air conditioner. You and your bedroom or house will sure be the talk of the town.
Did you cut yourself? Cover it up with a bacon bandage. (Unless someone got hungry and ate them first.)
There’s bacon-scented candles (if the air fresheners weren’t enough for you), bacon prophylactics, bacon lubricant, bacon undergarments, bacon T-shirts-and that’s not all. The craze also takes a turn for the morbid.
If you lose a loved one, you can drop three grand and bury him or her in a bacon-themed coffin.
As much as I love bacon, as evidenced by when I step on the scale in the morning, the craze surrounding it needs to slow down and slow down soon.