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Analysis of overlooked trivia in the news

By Staff | Jul 5, 2013

The Board of Higher Education has designated an acting chancellor to replace the previous acting chancellor. Maybe the title should be changed permanently to “acting chancellor” and be done with it.

The Minnesota Twins appear to be playing baseball again this summer. At least, they think so. Twins turnover is so high that we don’t know who is on whose side until July and by then it’s too late. The umpire wouldn’t let Catcher Pedro Jeminez bat because he didn’t have his green card.

According to the earth warming scientists, Florida will be swallowed up by the ocean within the next 100 years. That’s official. North Dakota won’t go under until 3076 and it will happen whether we believe in earth warming or not.

In a recent PEW poll, 34 per cent of the citizens approved of the Democrats in Congress; 26 per cent approved of the Republicans. Putting them together, PEW reported 17 per cent approval of Congress as whole. That means that when they are together Republicans and Democrats are worse.

The Annie E. Casey Foundation reported that 66 per cent of the preschool children in North Dakota aren’t going to school. Nationally, 54 per cent aren’t going, meaning that at least 12 per cent of the North Dakota kids will be starting life behind the rest of the country.

Keeping things in perspective. North Dakota paid Chancellor Shirvani $925,000 not to work. In the purchase treaty with Russia, $925,000 would have bought 84,000 square miles of Alaska. (North Dakota is 70,000 square miles.)

The U. S. Commerce Department reported that North Dakota is one of the least expensive states in which to live. That’s putting it gently. The truth is that we are cheap. It is a genetic virtue peculiar to Germans and Scandinavians of whom we have enough to influence statistics.

Meanwhile, a federal judge told California it must release 9,600 convicts because the prisons are too crowded. Don’t tell me what’s crowded. I grew up three to a bed. If Governor Brown lets them go, we ought to demand $44 billion in border security for the rest of the country.

Minnesota’s Former House Speaker Kurt Zellers, who hails from Webster ND, has announced his intention to run for governor. He says he learned a lot on the farm in Ramsey County but he gave no mention of the professor who taught him State & Local Government at UND.

If the petitioners gather enough signatures, the North Dakota voters will get the chance in 2014 to enact a law that will give unequal parents equal parenting.

All Email users are warned to be cautious since North Dakota State University President Dean Bresciani thinks that 45,000 of his Emails are lost. The truth is that the escaped refugee Edward Snowden has them and is now scouring them in the Moscow airport until he can find a country that takes turncoats. I would call him a traitor but the term has been confused since Benedict Arnold was called a traitor for helping the British fight a rebellion.

What good is border security when all of the Mexicans who want to live in America are already here?

Don’t pick your nose. NSA (National Security Agency) has you in focus.

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