“Hello, everyone, this is Brick Remer with Blurt Lyleven to bring you another exciting game of the Minnesota Twins from the new and beautiful Target Field. There will be a little game delay until they finish raking the hail from the outfield.”

“This is Blurt. It’s been a great season so far. We’ve missed playing only 14 games rained out nine times, sleeted three games and hailed twice, but these will be easy to make up at the end of the season with a few triple headers. But the weather hasn’t been our real problem, has it, Brick?”

“No, it’s really been the length of the games, Blurt. We really get killed when the starting pitcher has to leave and the bullpen takes over. Gordy has been making a pitch for shortening games to six innings but the League won’t budge. Things really need to improve in the bullpen. Any good news coming there, Blurt?”

“Well, Brick, actually there isn’t anybody in the bullpen right now. Rick called for a reliever and got a recording – a request to leave a message and someone would get back to him. That was a week ago. “

“I haven’t given up on getting some good relievers, Blurt. Another shuttle is coming in from Rochester tomorrow. There’s bound to be somebody on it who can pitch.”

“Yeah, maybe the driver has thrown a ball or two.”

“Whatever happened to that sidearmer with the blazing fast ball and no control?”

“Oh! Him! He got traded to the Bismarck Barons.”

“Gee, Blurt, I didn’t think Bismarck still had a team.”

“They don’t, Brick, but I am sure he can throw a good sandbag.”

“I don’t care what the owners say. I think every team ought to have a good bullpen.”

“In my day, Brick, we expected to pitch the whole game. We didn’t sit around and count pitches. We just pitched and didn’t depend on relievers.”

“The All-Star game is coming up and we’re really hurting for an outstanding player to nominate. Right now the batboy is our best prospect.”

“No wonder! Our sluggers have all turned into gold bricks, heading off to rehab in the bush leagues with pains and ailments of all sorts. We’re the walking wounded. I have to tell you, Brick, in my day we just took another aspirin and stood up to the plate.”

“Our ailing big bat told the coach the other day he couldn’t play because he was still seeing two balls. The coach told him to get back out there and swing at the top one. His average has gone up 13 points.”

“Another problem we’re having is the infield, Brick. It’s a new lineup every game. Cuddy has to play every position until Gordy can find somebody who can stop the ball. Cuddy ought to get three salaries.”

“Well, things are looking sad, Blurt. We’re 43 games behind Cleveland and we’ll never catch them with only 17 games to play. We’ll have to make the playoffs as the wild card.”

“We’ve got 35,000 raging fans packed into our beautiful all-season ballpark and no team on the field. I see a class action suit coming, alleging fraud, and there will be 35,000 witnesses to prove it. “

“Time to stand up, Brick. It’s the seventh inning stretch.”

“Don’t stretch too hard or they’ll send you down on a 15-day disability.”

Omdahl is a UND professor emeritus in political science and a former lieutenant governor of North Dakota.