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Fashion crimes committed by men

By Staff | Jul 16, 2010

I’ve written in past columns about fashion faux pas committed by women, now it’s the guys’ turn.

Every time I see a man wearing socks with sandals I cringe. That is just one of many fashion offenses committed by men. Oh, sure, some men are perfectly capable of dressing themselves. But more often than not, they really should consult a women just to make sure.

A recent British poll conducted by an online fashion store surveyed thousands of women on the worst fashions for guys. Those polled declared Hawaiian shirts the worst men’s item of all time, followed by high-waistband pants. Socks with sandals also made the list, as did white socks with nice shoes. They also said they hated when guys tried to dress too trendy or too young for their age.

Over 40 percent of the ladies questioned also admitted that they do 100 percent of the shopping for the men in their lives to avoid embarrassing fashion moments. Better safe than sorry!

Other offenses that made the list include: blaring labels, flip-flops, Speedos, too much jewelry, jean shorts, baggy/sagging pants, and sweatpants.

Blaring labels are annoying. It’s like you’re trying to broadcast to the world with a billboard across your chest that you can afford the fancy designers. Who cares?

Flip-flops have become the new acceptable casual footwear. Sometimes they are too casual for the situation, but most people fail to know when the situation calls for more modest footwear, not to mention bearing less than desirable looking feet.

No Speedos, period. You’ll be uncomfortable and so will everyone else around you. Enough said.

Too much jewelry is not really an issue with people around here. But we all know it when we see it. Gold chains are a big no-no and gold rings in moderation are acceptable-that means one.

Jean shorts look good on very few men so just avoiding them all together might be the best idea. As for jeans that you cut off with your trusty scissors, that’s a major fashion faux pas. Leave the cutoffs to the experts like Daisy Duke.

Way-too-big pants have been offensive since the ’90s. Thank goodness that trend of baggy pants with the boxer shorts hanging out has faded some. Each of us has come across a young man with his pants hanging so low we have to wonder if they could “go” at any minute. You can’t help but stare and wonder how the heck their pants even stay up.

Sweatpants are either so baggy that they look sloppy or so tight that they leave little to the imagination, if you know what I mean. So, if you must wear them, reserve the sweatpants to the privacy of your own home or the gym and don’t subject the public to them.

Here are a couple more I feel should be on the list.

Jerseys are cool at the stadium, or during a big playoff game with buddies, but team uniforms should not be everyday attire. It might have been your childhood dream to play first base for the Chicago Cubs, but it may be time to face reality and realize that it’s never going to happen. Save your jersey for the recliner at home in front of the TV when you’re cheering on your favorite team.

Fanny packs should be banned. Just when you think they have become extinct, one pops up around the waist of a tourist passing through town. Pockets were invented for a reason. And now with cargo pants, there are pockets galore. As one popular comedian once said, fanny packs make you look like your belt swallowed and is digesting a small rodent.

I’m sure we can all look around us and see fashion no-nos that we wish we could correct. But alas, we cannot shop for all the men in the world. Some of them just have to learn to dress themselves. Maybe if they follow these rules set forth by fashion-conscious women they will not embarrass themselves too much. Or they can save us all and get their wives or girlfriends to dress them just to be safe.

Mullally is a Tribune writer.

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